I have an amazing mother who, above everything else, taught me that I get to be exactly who I want to be. Directly in alignment with that philosophy, it was deeply instilled in me that I could do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. Because of her, I never drank, smoke, nor had sex until exactly the time I wanted to (thanks, Mom).

However, when I lost my virginity, it wasn’t in the romantic way that I expected. It was a drunken late-night make-out with a friend I’d known for four years (whom I had never previously kissed). One thing led to the next and we decided to have sex. While I was completely okay with this, I very rarely tell this story to people because I feel like I did it wrong. That having sex for the first time with someone I didn’t love – or wasn’t dating – was a dirty act.

Now, I still have sex when I want to have sex (with consent, of course) and don’t agree to sex unless I am all in. I think that the same conundrum continually affects my life and thoughts today: I engage in an activity when I, as a grown adult, would like to – and yet somehow there is a sense that I need to keep my legs together for more romantic (and fewer) sexual experiences. I cannot wait for the day when all girls (and boys) have the message instilled in them that whenever it is that they are ready and however it is that they are ready, their action will be accepted by all others, too.

I do feel like I lost it “too late” whenever I tell the tale, even though, looking back, I would not have had it happened earlier. There were no other situations where I felt compelled to have sex previous to that. I am fine with it having being 22 until I say it out loud to someone else. I don’t think people really react any certain way, I think I just assume they are judging – based on societal reasons only. They very well may not be judging. I do feel like it surprises people because of my sexual life now. I think, based on my current life, people would not have expected me to be a “late” starter.