Context: Stranger Rape

Growing up, I had a reputation for having very high standards for myself, and it was generally known to my high school and college that I was a virgin. Thinking back, it wasn’t really a big deal and I never made an announcement or anything, but after several boys failed to “close the deal” I am guessing word got around. If people thought this was a negative thing about me, I certainly never felt that. My recollection was that it was either a non-issue or a “huh, cool” characteristic of mine.

I certainly got all the juicy details about sexual escapades from my friends, and I wasn’t known to be a prude, just a virgin saving herself for marriage. The violent taking of my virginity and sense of self and safety deeply affected me for years, and still does to this day in the form of PTSD. Immediately after my rape, I became quite promiscuous. I would seduce men (always strangers, like the men who raped me were to me) and then humiliate them in a sick attempt to gain back some of the power that had been stolen from me. Thankfully (for me and for mankind ), this phase did not last very long.

I was mortified and did not tell very many people about what had happened to me. My father does not know to this day. I felt dirty and worthless for quite some time, but eventually I decided to take charge of my life and be the person I wanted to be in spite of what happened. I only get one life so I refuse to let a violent rape (or any of the other negative events in my life) define me.