To think that my virginity doesn’t have a story just because I haven’t lost it yet seems unfair to me. Because the V word has had a heavy, trying, dramatic affect on my life ever since my friends starting losing theirs and I started feeling inadequate. I am 24 years old and while my friends get married, have their second babies, and experience their 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, etc. one-night-stands, I remain a virgin.

My feelings on the matter are multi-faceted and sometimes completely contradictory. When I was teenager, I would slut-shame the girls that lost their virginity too early, or what I believed was too early. When I was in college, I would kick myself for not being able to “put myself out there” like my friends. When my best friends lost their virginity, I tried to be excited, sometimes cried, sometimes got angry, sometimes I was sincerely actually excited for them. Today I feel lonely. Yesterday I didn’t even think about it. Tomorrow, maybe I’ll be horny. Who knows.

A virgin isn’t the only thing I am, but I know there will come a day where it will seem like it. That will be the day that I have sex for the first time and the guy or girl asks “Are you a virgin?” and I’ll have to tell the truth. Hopefully, even if I’m  25, 26, 28, or 30, I won’t be ashamed to tell the truth.