I was 17, almost 18; we were both seniors. I was a virgin (she knew), she wasn’t (I knew). I never got direct pressure to lose my virginity, but I did feel like most of the people around me had already lost theirs. And not in a posturing way either—my social circles were pretty frank and open about sex, much more so than me.

I started falling behind as early as fifth grade. My childhood best friend started flirting with girls, part of a whole group that spent their recess—a time to run around and have fun—just sitting by the slides, talking. I spent most of my recesses there too, but mainly because I didn’t want to lose my best friend. I ended up tagging along with that group for years, never quite admitting that I didn’t fit in, or that my best friend had moved on without me, or that the group (which was now the full-fledged “popular” group) didn’t want me, didn’t like me, didn’t even care about me.

By senior year I was at a whole different school, with completely different people, but I still carried with me an almost decade-long inferiority complex and a big fear that I’d be a real-life 40-Year-Old Virgin. (Coincidence? The movie came out in August; I lost my virginity in November.)

I’m not much of a romantic; I didn’t have daydreams about it being special… I just wanted it out of the way. I really was scared I’d get to 35 or 40 and be this total loser who’d never even gotten past a hand job.

The actual act occurred in my basement, about a week after we’d started “dating.” We started making out, my pants came off, and suddenly she was giving me a blowjob (my first one). After a minute she asked if I wanted to have sex. I said yes. She asked if she was moving too fast. I said, “What? No!” So we had sex (intercourse). From pants off to pants back on it was maybe four minutes total, on a couch, in my parents’ basement.

And I just felt relieved. Now even if I never had sex again, I at least wouldn’t go into my thirties or forties a virgin. People found out, but the aftermath was never really a story, at least to my ears. It was all the years leading up to it, living inside my own head. And today, after having moved well past all those thoughts, I honestly hadn’t really thought much about it until this project came along. It’s just not a particularly significant part of my past.