I’ve only had one sexual partner who I’ve been with for 14 years. When I was a kid I viewed sex as something to be ‘gotten’ rather than shared. Like so many other teenage boys, I wasn’t actually given any education about what sex was or how it should be cherished – I was just told ‘this goes in that and sometimes in that, too, but that’s a sin’ and told not to ever do it. I lost my virginity as a sophomore in college and actually learned how to have sex sometime in my late 20s. In my 30s I learned how to have really good sex and when I get to my 40s who knows.

Looking back I don’t believe I had all of the necessary information to make good sexual decisions when I was young. I caused more damage than necessary as a result. I spent more time pressuring my would-be partner rather than letting the relationship progress as it would. I would sometimes talk about how I must be more into it than she because I was ready or that what we had must be missing something if we hadn’t done it yet. Every time I brought it up in that context we had an unnecessary fight.

When our son grows up we are not going to be silent on the subject. He will hear about sex from our mouths first, not at school or at church. That way, when his peers start talking and experimenting and whatnot he’ll have a base upon which to rely. Even if (when) his peers’ opinions matter more to him that ours, he’ll always have what we taught him.