I was raised in a very conservative home and church. Men were the heads of the house, made all the decisions and had absolute superiority over women. I received abstinence-only education in church and the religious private school I went to. Where ones value was based on purity and virginity, those whom had sexual relations before marriage were seen as whores. Furthermore girls/women were seen as devious temptresses who put themselves in a bad situation if sexual abuse and/or rape occurred.

This created the ideal situation for sexual abuse to occur, as it did to me, at the hands of an older male relative starting when I was 10 years old… lasting 4 years.  I was raised to believe that the shame and guilt was in my actions, and if anyone found out that I lied in my virginity pledge in my abstinence-only sex education class, no would want to marry me (I was also raised to believe that marriage was the end all and be all of anything godly women should want to do). In addition I did not want to disappoint my parents.

This affected me greatly socially. No one knew but I clearly had emotional issues. I can imagine it is hard to be friends with a child who has PTSD.

Years of therapy will not erase the physical issues I have from the abuse, nor the emotional ones… but therapy has helped.  Clearly my value as a person is/was not tied to my hymen. After the abuse ended I didn’t have sex again until I was 26.   I am currently in a heterosexual long term monogamous relationship and he is incredibly supportive of my issues.  I see sex as an expression of love and no longer as power.