The time I officially lost my virginity, I wasn’t myself at all. Bottle of UV blue from the liquor store that doesn’t ID,  Parliament Lights (p-funks) bought by my 18 year old friend. Grass, mud, then sand, a playground at night. His room later, barefoot, disassociation. Then unexpected outburst of tears while he snored, sleeping like a baby. Pretty much disgusting, and easily : TOO EARLY.

After a series of equally disgusting events after that, I finally landed in a Women’s Studies class. Hey, did you know it’s not your duty to make a guy cum? Did you know how beautiful you are and how much respect you deserve? Do you know how long women before you have fought for your happiness and success?

Later on down the road, my sexual experiences got a little sweeter. I explored long-term relationships, and long-term single-hood, and even abstinence. And now, I feel like a woman finally because I treat myself like a woman and I am with a man who respects that. My happiness does not depend on him, but it thrives with him. The first night we made love was on our first date. I was 22. We shared coffee by the lake earlier that day. Later, mattress on the floor, laughing, candles and Velvet Underground’s “Candy Says” playing in the background at just the right time.