I slept with a woman before a man. In fact, I slept with several women. Growing up, the idea of having sexual relations with a guy terrified me. There were too many consequences, too much pain. I never thought much about whether I was straight or gay, I just knew heterosexual sex seemed impossible.

I met a girl my senior year of college who was just as confused about sex as I was. She was the first person I had a sexual experience with, beyond kissing. I consider it my first time, but it was more of a science experiment than an intimate event.

I was 22 the first time I slept with a guy. We had been dating for several months and had been best friends for years. It felt like a very small event compared to my first time, but it was more intimate, it made me feel closer to him.

As I’ve slept with many more partners over the years (women and men) I have learned that it was not the act of heterosexual sex I was scared of, it was the intimacy part. I was able to sleep with my first partner because it was not intimate, it was mechanical. And I’ve learned over the years that sex has nothing to do with gender or parts or appearance. Sex is a physical expression of an emotional attachment to someone. And the more attached you are and the more you care about that person, the better and more meaningful the sexual experience.