I dated a guy for awhile in high school.  Looking back, I think he and I went out mostly because we shared the same friends.  I do not think that we were ever truly in love, but we enjoyed each others company enough and he is a decent person.  About 8 months into our relationship, we had sex.  We built up to it over time, trying it little by little until we were really sleeping together.  I do not remember the date or many other details.  It was not a prom-night-situation or anything like that.  I know that it was towards the end of my junior year and I was not yet 17.

A few months after this happened, I went to the doctor for an appointment.  My mom joined me because she always took me to my doctor’s appointments.  She and I were sitting in the room when the doctor came in.  The doctor asked all of the usual questions, which included, “Are you sexually active?”  I had forgotten about this question because my answer had always been “no” previously.  (That said, I never really understood how to define sexually active during the brief time that I had performed oral sex but had not had vaginal intercourse.  Similarly, I still don’t know how to answer that question when I have not had sex in awhile.  I mean, I’m not a virgin, but also not active all the time…)  Anyway, I asked my my mom to leave the room, so that I could have the conversation with her privately at another time. I talked to the doctor honestly, and then left.

On the car ride home, I told my mom that I was not a virgin anymore.  When I finished telling her, she said these words: “I’m glad that he is someone you will never hate.”

Immediately, a huge weight lifted off of my chest.  I did not know that my mother’s approval was something I needed… until I got it.

Young women often receive the message that having sex is bad or will make them unattractive.  For me, after I had done it, I unknowingly internalized the idea that I did something wrong.  Luckily, I had a mother who, in her own way, told me, “This is okay.”  Once she said it, I felt it and believed it.