I lost my virginity when I was 19 on one of the last few days of my Freshman year of college. Before I lost it, sex always seemed like the kind of thing other people did. Its not that I was chaste, just unambitious. I must have worn that sentiment on my face because when I first came out to one of my best friends, she told me, “Its weird. I knew you weren’t straight, but I never thought of you as gay. I guess I just thought of you as…I don’t know, asexual?”

Even when I was one, the word ‘virgin’ seemed like an entirely religious term. As a gay man who came of age in the 21st century, I’ve pretty much always known that sex is not only available, but plentiful. While I don’t advocate risky behavior, the idea that you can’t get sex seemed willfully ignorant. Ultimately, staying a virgin seemed like a choice, and one with religious overtones. Given my strained relationship with the Church—for reasons I believe are self-explanatory—I was all too willing to lose it.

I was in my dorm’s study lounge when (let’s call him) David approached me. He was a nice guy. I wouldn’t have called us friends, exactly. Acquaintances? People who share a common space occasionally? After some casually chatting, he point blank asked me if I wanted to come to his room. You could sum it up to aggression towards the Church or spite towards my friends who thought I didn’t have it in me to do it. Ultimately, the reason why I said yes was because it just felt like to right moment. I felt safe, I felt attracted, and (for maybe the first time ever) I felt attractive. Anything that was holding me back before wasn’t holding me back now.

I’d like to say that it was amazing, but I fall in line with the trope. It was definitely fun, but it didn’t feel like the unholy sin I was warned it would be. It was more of a not-quite-unholy romp. Honestly, it was really anti-climactic—both figuratively and for me, literally.  Over the next two years, I had many experiences with many guys. Some I enjoyed, some I regret, some I’ve completely forgot about. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that, hey, maybe its because I don’t know these guys that well (or at all).

I never had sex with David again. I do see him around every once in awhile. We say hi and we’re friendly, but it’s not like we’re not Facebook friends.