I don’t know when I lost my virginity. There. I said it. I always dreamed it would be so romantic: candles, rose petals, the smooth and dulcet tones of Barry Manilow in the background. But that didn’t happen. Not even close.

High school. What an awkward age. My high school sweetheart, Tony, was the love of my life. His cute boy next door looks and bad boy attitude made him insatiable to many ladies in high school. We all know three things about high school: 1. High school girls feel entitled to WHATEVER they want. 2. Football players are players on and off the field. 3. High school girls are the physical form of pure evil. With that being said, it didn’t take long for the “in crowd” to start bullying the shy and sweet blonde in their classes. Dealing with these new feelings of hurt, loneliness, and even guilt was too much for me to bear. Eventually, I got hooked on drinking and painkillers.

After a Bacardi limon induced evening, Tony came over to break up with me. (Found that out much later..) Instead things got a little sexy in his parents’ Ford Explorer, and a ten second attempt of intercourse was made. I was 17 at the time, and I was really confused about what just had happened.

The first actual time I experienced more than 10 seconds of awkwardness was a year later in college. I was at a house party and ingested too much wop and cheap beer. Luckily my friend was there to walk me home, but he had a hidden agenda. I was raped that night. He was someone who I trusted. Someone who I had been friends with for three years. Someone who I ate lunch with. Someone who I cared about.

Heartbroken. Betrayed. Damaged. Angry. 10 years ago and it still feels like yesterday. I never got my Barry Manilow serenade, never got my candles and rose petals.. But I do know one thing. I would rather have lost my virginity in the back of my high school sweetheart’s truck than to have it lost by being raped during the third month of my Freshman year.

I don’t think there is an appropriate age to lose your virginity. My advice- find someone who loves you, and only you. Find someone who you love and care for more than anything. When the time is right, it will happen.